List less??

For a long time I have been telling (begging) myself to get into an active lifestyle. Why? Because I am bored of being bored. I have been wondering what to do and when to start .. Well, I enrolled myself into an unlimited yoga class here for the next 2 years. Yippe!! Way to go for committment and such.. But I enrolled, so I would make it a point to go. Since I did enroll, I have been waiting for an auspicious day to start (read :slacking!!) .  Also I wanted to see more routine in my lifestyle. I want to explore the Maami side of me, which seems to be waiting for me to embrace it.. So, I want to wake up early, Pray, make tea and breakfast for my dearest and work hard(??), cook for my dearest, write sri rama jayam, practise music, listen to my favourite musicians, work on my sketching skills and try to involve actively in volunteer work.

So my mother announced, day before yesterday to my despair that, yesterday was a good day to start anything... It is vijaya dhasami!!... So I woke up reasonbly early (for my standards), did my morning prayers, worked, cooked, did gardening, sketching, chanting, recycled the trash at home and tried to pick up less fight with my husband.
I could not get to Yoga... Sooo, I was feeling listless this morning thinking of how lazy I was... But then, how much can one expect to do in a day? so today will be my good day for yoga I hope.. Afterall, to start a nice thing time or date does not matter no?

Disappointment

As I stood in front of the ocean,
I asked, how far can I see the horizon?
Oh, the light limits your vision,
This is because of terrestrial refraction.
Disappointment!

Yummy food, arranged in a nice array,
I piled my plates to eat all the way,
Too much said my tummy,
Too little said the craving bunny.
Disappointment!

The ears were relieved as the silence continued,
The mind started its own feud,
Can't the silence last longer I prayed,
But the thoughts in my head refused to fade.
Disappointment!

In my dreams I bounced on the clouds,
And wondered if I could ever feel that in reality,
I dived from a plane on the clouds,
But learnt that gravity was the reality.
Disappointment!

The sweet smell of rose,
In its fragrance, time froze,
It tickled the romance within,
Before I knew, it dried up therein.
Disappointment!

Alas, the soul was set free to explore,
There are no rules, I was told,
Can I go try this new game I implore,
My master said, your not allowed to explode.
Disappointment!

Weightloss, comparison and such things...............

I believe that each of us is made a certain unique way,  so that we stay unique and love ourselves for this uniqueness. We grow as a person, by competing against ourselves.  I prefer not to compare people with one another, however startling the differences may be. Because, that is how it is meant to be. Different!!  I refrain from doing the usual comparisons, based on sex, race and creed.. I feel it is very unjust to do so. Each of us so different from the other person that it feels immature to compare two people.

In every action on mine, I try to avoid comparing myself with another and avoid people who compare themselves with me. Comparison, feels like an extra baggage that we carry. But I have never been able to appreciate the joy of self-accessing, until recently.

It was a cathartic experience. I had decided to shed those extra pounds that I had gained after stepping into the US almost 6 years ago. And this required a lot of determination and self-control. I had to train my mind, to believe that it was not a Himalayan task after all. And I had to keep track of my food habits and watch what I was eating. I took personal training at work with a friend of mine. We found out very early that what ever we did, it wasn't a competition between us.

We had to focus only on out doing ourselves. And that was the toughest of all competitions. To neglect the urge to be lazy and to over indulge.  I understand,  why people say, "The first and best victory is to conquer self." .

Here there is no scope for comparison with another. It is so obvious that our body constitution and metabolism are so different. It is quite futile to make that comparison. Being better than the other person, did not guarantee more weight loss. All along there was only one goal. Beat yourself every single day.

The path is extremely painful. It is easy to lose the focus and indulge in junk food. But the feeling on seeing the difference,  in the weighing scale as well as in the cloths fit, is just too pleasing. And that is a very personal feeling. Just yourself. And that joy is unparalleled. No one can share this feeling with you.

I had decided to lose weight to prove some thing (can't remember what) to my fiance. But at this point, I appreciate the change more than he does. Thanks to him for challenging me. I still have some way to go before I reach my goal. But, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Because I know it is up to me and no one else.

"Awe-nor-Able" CM abode of compassion

   Life, teaches one, a lot of lessons. We learn from mistakes,  advice (if you are not the hear-but-leave type) and examples. As a kid I always followed what my brother did. He was my real leader. Then I got smarter !! I started learning from his mistakes. I often listened to my parent's advice too.  But as I grew up, I saw so many icons, that I was disillusioned about who my Reel Leader was.. I was in search of an Ideal Example.

   I found him, years later on NDTV 24x7, and realized that I had missed him all along. It is strange, as I don't have a TV, and I am out of touch with any sort of current-affairs. Thanks to my friend Vacha, who happened to forward this.
It re-kindled my search for the Reel Leader who has survived the Test of Time!!

Well our man was born a long time ago (1924). He got into politics at a tender age of 14. He claims to have been upset by the religious domination of the Hindus and the religious denomination of Brahmins, in particular.  He was not well read, but had his command over the Tamil language. He started the newspaper in tamil, Murasoli. He wrote scripts for plays and movies.  A lot of his work was anti-Brahmin, social issues, which were made into movies. But his contribution to Tamil literature cannot be denied.  He claimed to be an atheist. Fair enough!!

In spite of his claim, people believe that he married several times, so the woman's "thali bhagyam" would save him from impending death. Horoscopes, you see. It was his idea of an elixer. After all, who does not want to live long? He married several times legally and several times illegally. A legal Family Tree of our great leader..

Lesson 1:

One learns about survival of the fittest. theory. (vidhi-> fate)

He has done his part in  creating an anti-brahmin community in Tamil Nadu. This works, by induction too, like how Divide and conquer worked for the British. He is one of the many people, responsible for keeping the quota system alive in education and government job scene today. Poor him, it is a tricky situation. If he removes the quota system, people who think they are under privileged will stop voting for him. Then he can't govern anymore. So might as well get their vote and govern.  And anyways, who cares about the brahmins, most of them leave the country, in search of greener pastures. The ones who stay, complain not. 
Hey Ram!!, did I mention he is very quick to ask logical questions to prove is atheistic ideology.

Lesson 2:

One learns about survival of the fittest. (jadhi -> caste)

As a leader, he can go beyond the pale in their pursuit of electoral advantage. To do this of course, he tries to understand people's needs or let us say wants. He has been in the film industry for years now. And the state some how hero worships its movie stars and stalwarts much more than heros in other fields. We don't really respect Ramanujam, RK Narayan, A. P. J. Abdul Kalam or any other tamil heros. But with media's charm on us, Tamilians worship their movie stars. So then he started his movie channel SunTV, now the new Kalaignar TV.. He made sure he had enough gossip in there to keep the masses hooked to TV. Then during elections he would offer FREE TV, Laptops to people to consume their vote. Works well for him. Oh, the money is anyways the tax payer's money.

Lesson 3:

One learns about survival of the fittest. (sadhi -> conspire )

In between all these, he has time, to make money to sustain his ever growing family. And he  does this by involving  in veeranam project scam (quite early in his CM carrier),   2G scams ,  fly-over construction , housing board quota ,and many more. In spite of these accusations, he reigns on..


Lesson 4:

One learns about survival of the fittest. (nidhi -> money )

His biggest contribution to his people, is that he got them into politics, where they could follow his foot steps. Oh! did I mention his people = family ? He has been good to all of them, without any gender bias. His daughter and sons (the mostly legal ones) have taken after him. After all, dad sets such standards, that children must look up to (read: down at) him. And looks like he is the pioneer of a dynastic rule in TN.


Lesson 5:

One learns about survival of the fittest. (aadhi -> harbinger )

One thing that has to be credited to him, is his eternal love for his mother tongue, Tamil. It is almost infallible.  He supports the language so ardently that he has great ideas to sustain it.  Tamil Medium Schools,  bus routes written in Tamil, supports ( or is quasi stable based on the circumstances) LTTE (after all they are also tamil no?) , Fasts for cease fire in SriLanka , tax benifit for tamil movies with tamil names, government job preference for people who studied tamil,  anti-Hindi policies , are some of his most famous Operation-Save-Tamil projects. But one gets to hear that his family get convent education (I mean they learn English).  Yet he is successful in keeping the tamil blood alive and flowing through the veins of the tamils.  Oh! did I mention that his contribution to tamil literature earned him an Honorary Doctorate? So he is Dr M. Karunanidhi.


Lesson 6:

One learns about survival of the fittest. (madhi -> intellect )

Having been in the tamil movie industry has taught him some acting too. He, recently (comparing the time gap to his age) did an awesome act to attract public sympathy when he was arrested for corruption charges. But he survived the man-handling without any issue, unlike Maran..


Lesson 7:

One learns about survival of the fittest. (kaidhi -> arrest )

All in all, he is the ideal example of Darwin's Theory . In fact he does more than just survive. He flourishes. He has all the love that his wives have to offer.  He has all the riches one can dream of having in life. He has all the powers to make people around him act like puppets. He has a family, as big as his heart. He has love for Tamil and command over Tamil, much more than one could ask for.  So he is my Hero.. Our very own Karunanidhi...

In-Dependence

Freedom, is a very interesting topic that I have never been able to understand completely.
All the way through school, I have read exhaustively about freedom. Freedom movements and struggles of various countries and kingdoms. What most places struggled, was for them to be an independent region, governed by one of their own and not a person from a foreign region..

So extending the same argument(or by induction),  personal freedom is all about being independent of external forces (people, circumstances), governed by our own self. 

In the case of a nation, we can hardly be independent of another. We depend on other nations for help during war, natural calamity and for trade.

Similarly, in personal life, it is hard to be independent either. Financially and physically , maybe, we could call ourselves independent if we enjoy a good salary and great health. But I have not always been independent always. My parents gave me the education, food, shelter and all that I needed to get to where I am today.

But these things are tangible, quantifiable and understandable. But how about emotional independence. If it is a nation, it looks for approval from other countries and from its own people, for its policies and decisions in any field. And some times like UK, has to play 'dogs-on-leash' game with nations like USA.

But personal freedom on the emotional front is the most difficult to achieve, for reasons more often unknown. We constantly look for approval from dear and sometimes not-so-dear ones. We like to be loved, liked, appreciated, pampered, etc... To hit the nail on its head, we seek attention. Not getting the required amount of attention from the loved one, makes it very emotionally draining for us. But we cannot get all we want in life. Because life is not fair. We know that. But how difficult is it to understand this? Very Difficult ...

This seems to be a vicious circle. Expect attention -> get denied -> pile it up -> expect attention again -> and so on.  We can never get enough attention. And we know, it is not always valid to expect (or may be never valid), yet we do. When will this information turn into understanding?Or how can we turn this information into understanding? Because, without understanding, one can hardly get to where one wants to be. Independent !!

Language Barrier

I grew up in Chennai for 22 years. I speak decent English and fluent Tamil. And I even learnt the art of switching between 'local' Tamil and 'home-breed' Tamil like a pro. Learnt Hindi at school with minimum interest. It was useful in making Hindi movies and soaps a little more tolerable... So, to sum it all I could jump from English to Tamils, with much ease.

After moving to the US, I met only a few Tamil speaking people. So I developed a great camaraderie with the Kannada speaking folk at school. My curiosity to understand their conversation, ended up teaching me Kannada.

Now, I am surrounded by Kannadigas ... I am so used to the language now, that I sometimes think in Kannada while speaking in Tamil. I even end up always adding a few Kannada words in my conversations. The problem is that I know what I am saying, but no one else really does. So they stare with the "What-is-wrong-with-you" look, and I wonder the same about them. So there is some miss-communication . This kind of puts me in a spot where I look foolish for having said something so spontaneously but unconsciously.


Here are a few instances where I really fail to say the right thing..
1) I request for "Sowtu" instead of karandy or ladel.

2) When I need to say "Oh!! Really??", I end up saying "Howdha" in that musical tone.

3) When I have to say, "OB adikadhada", I say "Oothla" pannadhada...

4) When I badly want to drink coffee, I say "Coffee Baykku" instead of "Coffee venum".

5) Worst is when I want to sleep, I end up saying, "Nidhdhey barthaa Idhey" with an annoying intonation picked up from a friend here. I should have instead said, "Thookkam varudhu".