Have you ever tried to help people? Have you ever asked yourself, "What is the motive behind my offering this help?" ? For years now, I have dogged this question. Yes I am an escapist. Sometimes, recently, this question has made me worry. Am I really helpful? Am I really affectionate? Do I really care? Why the hell do I offer help and support to others?
However, the answer is simple. I am selfish. Ok! yes I help. But there is an ulterior motive that drives me to help others.
1) Of course the lauds that come with it "she is helpful, caring, selfless", "goes out of her way to help others".
2) Cheating myself by saying I am a good person. I am better than others who are selfish and never help.
3) Sometimes I escape my own work that I either don't want to do or lazy to do. Now I have a reason. I was helping someone. I did not have time to help myself. A really helpful person will know how to help herself and others. This is escaping duty.
4) The biggest excuse "I can't say NO !!". Why ? I don't want to hurt the other person or make them feel bad or make them feel helpless. I am their Saviour after all. If I am not there, who will save the poor souls? I want to rescue them from their misery. "Ok lets do your project", "lets go to walmart though I have an deadline tomorrow", "lets eat out because you want to though I have an exam tomorrow".
Fooling oneself in the name of love is very easy. But why not stop once before we act and ask ourselves this question - "Am I doing this out of love or is it just lust or ego boost?" It is time I face my fears, yes myself.
I have to act more consciously. Ask myself is this out of love? Well the inner call always has an answer immediately. I choose to ignore it most times. But yes the spontaneous answer that you get when you pose this question consciously should be from your being. It tells you your real intension. But it doesn't mean tell people goto hell. It means understanding your priorities. I need to meditate now, can we do this later? I have a project deadline tomorrow, can we work on your homework tomorrow? If they can't wait, there are always other guardian angels other than you around. Give them a chance. Honestly, give yourself a chance.
